Kaneesha

signs of unhealed wounds

4 signs your unhealed wounds can be traveled down to your kid (and why put yourself first)

4 signs your unhealed wounds can be traveled down to your kid (and why put yourself first)

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

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As parents, we swore to ourselves we will not do what our parents did to us and that is a heavy load to carry. There are days where we follow through with our promise and feel good about ourselves and other times, not so much. There is a wound that has not been looked at, acknowledged. It can be painful to acknowledge past wounds, however, it is beneficial for you and your kid to know, it takes courage to face those wounds. 

So when do you know your past wounds are showing up? Here are 4 signs showing up for you and could possibly be seen in your child. 

Boundaries are not strong

Boundaries are your own self-care of knowing your limit of tolerance. When our boundaries are being tested or no boundaries at all, we may feel tired and hurt by the person who is taking advantage of us. It gets to the point we take it out on the wrong person, such as our family. Boundaries also include saying “No” without the guilt feeling. 

Having boundaries does not mean you are being difficult, it means you have your own limits in what you will and will not tolerate. 

Lack of communication 

It can be difficult to speak up for yourself when you feel bullied or maybe even respect someone, but they do not know what is on your mind. Instead of speaking up, you continue to take and take to the point you get fed up or you keep it in and your body begins to have aches and pain. 

Speaking up can clear your throat chakra and can help release thoughts you have been wanting to say. 

Feeling responsible for other people 

There is a fine line between helping someone and being responsible for someone. Being focused on someone’s feelings and not yours is putting the other person’s needs primary before your own. 

People are responsible for their own actions and responses, you are not. Take responsibility for yourself first, you deserve it. 

Not forming your own opinion and thoughts 

It is totally fine to ask people for their opinion about various topics: how you dress, what kind of kitchen supply to buy, what is the best pet for kids. However, it is another level when you take what someone says to the fullest. When you take someone’s opinion head-on, you are not coming up with your decision, your own thoughts. Being too dependent on someone’s thoughts means you are not living the life you want, you are living someone’s life experience and who wants that? 

So when you ask for someone’s opinion about a matter, observe and listen, but come up with your own decision at the end of the day that aligns with you. 

Now, what do you do?

Wounds are painful and we do not like to look at them, however, the more we do not look at the wound, the more it is not being taken care of. These 4 signs are important to learn because you can acknowledge the signs and know how to respond to each one. All four of these signs tie together. When you have good communication skills, you will be able to express your own boundaries, forming your own thoughts, and not feel responsible for people’s responses. These signs boil down to being self-confident in your identity not only as a mother but as a person. Explore your own unhealed pain with someone you trust, maybe a therapist, coach, even an energy worker, and start dressing the wounds.

I know you can do it. When you begin to address your wounds, your child will be grateful you’re setting an example of addressing your wounds.

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unhealed wounds to child

Being a cycle breaker isn’t easy, however, you will feel awesome afterwards

Being a cycle breaker isn’t easy, however, you will feel awesome afterwards

by Kaneesha

This article takes 4 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Coming Soon!

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

You’ve probably heard the saying from your family, ‘oh it runs in the family, it is okay.’ well when it comes to physical health such as cancer, allergies and diabetes running in the family, I can see how family members would say that. Yes it runs in the family genetically. That also goes for epigenetics. 

What the heck is epigenetics? 

According to the CDC, “Epigenetics is the study of how your behaviors and environment can cause changes that affect the way your genes work.” 

The environment is how we influence the genetic and cellular expressions that manifest as signs, symptoms, and disease states. When we change our environment, then we begin to change our epigenetics. In other words, “Genes load the gun, but the environment pulls the trigger,” said Dr. George Bray. 

You have a bit more control of your life than you think, right? 

There have been studies about how trauma can be passed down from generations to generations. If you are experiencing an emotion out of nowhere, it is possible it came from your ancestors who had a trauma experience and they responded by fight, flight, freeze and/or fawn. Why does this matter? It carries weight because there are genetic markers, including trauma, that get passed down in the ancestral lineage which can have an affect on you and your children. However, like the above quote said, it is about the environment we are in as well. 

When I began my self nurturing journey, I was out of the house I grew up in. I began to realize there were things that happened in my upbringing that were a bit traumatic and just not cool. When you begin to take yourself out of your toxic environment, you may begin to realize how your upbringing was not typical. What we believe is natural growing up turns out not so much. Our bodies are used to situations happening a certain way and it can be uncomfortable at first when you begin your journey. 

There could be shift within you changing 

You may get more physical sensations before they subside. Experience extra emotions than before because you are letting out your feelings in a way which wants to be let go when the event happened, but you had to hold it back for others. You may get exhausted with your daily activities such as a job you highly dislike, friends who you thought were welcoming are probably not really, family members who you do not want to be bothered with anymore. (I think we all have that one family member we cannot be around for too long)

The self nurturing journey can be exhausting as heck from time to time, however, you begin to feel lighter. Of course you will grieve for what you wanted to happen in your upbringing, you have every right to do so. You deserve to feel how you feel right now when you could not in the past. When you begin to have physical and emotional releases from past events which hurt you, you begin to feel a shift. 

Can you clarify for me?

A way to explain this change is you have tons of weight on your body. The weight of people’s opinions, criticism, ancestral trauma, heart break, betrayal, weighs heavy on you to the point it is starting to rupture slowly. Once you have acknowledged those past situations that hurt you, a release may begin and you start to feel like the weight is coming off little by little. You are able to feel a bit lighter on the inside. 

When you begin to break family cycles, you are doing awesome with yourself plus your children. Your children may see a change in you they have not seen before. Preventing generational trauma is the beginning of starting a new cycle, a healing cycle, in your family. You are also nurturing your ancestors who did not get the chance to break the cycle for themselves and they will be grateful to you. 

Give yourself a high five or hug or something special for yourself. Being here reading this blog means you recognize there needs to be innovation and you are at the starting point of awareness you can create a different path for yourself.

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curious to know the energetic and spiritual lingo? bridging souls coaching

Curious to know the energetic and spiritual lingo? It is not as confusing as you think.

Curious to know the energetic and spiritual lingo? It is not as confusing as you think

by Kaneesha

This article takes 6 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Coming Soon!

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

what is Spiritual Lingo? breaking down terms for you

 

1. Inner child 

Oh, the term “inner child” is a commonly used word, however, not explained in the best way. It is not another personality you’ve created or a ghost living inside of you kinda thing. It is you, a younger you (childlike age), who was taught in life certain tools, good or not so good, which can be carried into adulthood. The word “inner child,” is also a psychological term used often. The inner child is a younger version of you who was not able to do or express what they wanted in their childhood. As your adult self, you can tell your younger self, which is you, that it is totally okay to express how you feel now. You are totally allowed. 

2. Spiritual awakening 

So spiritual awakening is not about getting an upgrade or power-up like DBZ (weeb fans out there, hi) It is about your level of consciousness shifting when it comes to spiritual topics. You may have heard it being described as Enlightenment. When you have awakened yourself, you begin to feel a shift within you. Only you know what that shift is. It could be a shift in your thought patterns, how you eat, how you speak to people, how you relate to others. It can be whatever you feel is a change for you. People think it is only spiritual and raising your vibration and yes that is part of it, however, it is about how you live your daily life; speaking to yourself, to others, how you respond to situations. Spiritual awakening can be what rings true with you. 

3. Womb healing 

Womb healing has different terms, and no it is not only for females or people who identified themselves as females. It can be for whomever, no matter their identity and pronouns. Womb healing is the pelvis area including your urinary system, the lower part of your digestive system, muscles, tissues, organs, blood. In other words, womb healing is for anyone. Womb healing can help with it getting back to you. So what the heck does that mean? Well, it means listening to you again. Really.

Womb work can also help shed toxicity in your life in a physical way: discharge and bowel movement. Emotionally: crying, screaming, yelling. Energetically: letting go of energy vampires and protecting yourself from unwanted attention. Womb healing can help with a variety of aspects of your life. Womb work is a good place to start when you feel you have lost yourself a bit (example: after having kids). When you connect with yourself through your womb, you realize how much you have missed out on not listening to yourself in the first place. 

4. Grounding 

Oh the fancy word: grounding. Grounding means to stay in the present moment. To elaborate, grounding is about being in the moment with whoever and whatever is going on, the good and the not so lovely. The good could be watching your kid drawing a picture and the bad could be your kids fighting over a toy. It can be anything, honestly. Grounding is about being in the now, in your body, feeling your emotions.

We live in a dissociative society right now with being on our phones A LOT and not living in the moment with yourself and your family. When was the last time you actually talked to your kids, just being around them, without your phone near you? Sometimes we tend to dissociate and not realize it. Grounding can help move through those uncomfortable emotions and physical sensations we feel. Give it a try and see a difference. 

5. Emotional and physical release 

The emotional and physical release can happen at the same time. Emotional release is feeling how you wanted to feel when you thought about a past event that had hurt you. The physical release is similar but on a physical level. Let’s say you went through a traumatic situation, yet could not express how you felt because maybe you were told you could not. So you hold it in. Your body remembers what it wanted to do, but couldn’t so it holds it in. Then years later, you remember the traumatic event and you begin to shake and cry. Maybe yell and stomp your feet. That is an emotional and physical release. 

6. Boundaries – Internal, External, Energetic

Boundaries are about learning your own limits within yourself and others. It can be limited in how you eat, talk to people, people talking to you, physical touch, anything really. Learning your own limits can protect you on an energetic level. To clarify, it means to have a distance between you and whomever. Space is your limit and sticks to the limit with this person. Setting a limit is an awesome feeling because you know you have a choice. 

7. Generational trauma 

Generational/family/ancestral trauma is through your family line. There are a variety of articles about how trauma can be passed down through our genes and how epigenetics, which I’ve talked about in a previous article, is about the environment turning the gene on. It could be a gene about diabetes, cancer, addiction, flight, fight, freeze, fawn response. Anything undoubtedly.

Generational trauma can stop with you in order to prevent it from being passed down to your children. If you pass down something to your children, you can adjust it for them as well, if they are willing. Remember, epigenetics is about the environment. When you break cycles in the family, you are not only helping yourself but your children’s future and your ancestors. Trust me, they will be grateful for you doing what they could not do. 

8. Intuition

Intuition has many synonyms: instincts, following your gut, knowing, mother’s instincts. Intuition is when you know to listen to yourself. Intuition can come in different forms. A symbol could be listening to your little voice in your head that says ‘wait for a second before pulling out of the parking spot’ then you see a car flying by. The physical sensation comes from your gut or your chest. There is a belief in seeing numbers back to back, also known as numerology. Intuition can come in different forms for every person, it is a matter of listening to it when it happens. 

 

I hope this list helped you understand the lingo when it comes to exploring the healing journey. Of course, there are more words out there, however, these are the common ones people use when talking about their healing journey. Let me know on Instagram if this article was valuable to you.  

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Curious to know the energetic and spiritual lingo? It is not as confusing as you think | Bridging Souls Coaching

Energy vampires are scared when you begin making changes in the relationship

Energy vampires are scared when you begin making changes in the relationship

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

Oh, the energy vampires. They come in a variety of forms. They are parasites, bloodsuckers, leeches, freeloaders. A very exhausting person to have in your life. The hot word is ‘energy vampire’ which is commonly used, however, I am going to break down the kind of people they are in your life. 

So, what the heck is an energy vampire? 

Glad you asked! Energy vampire is someone who takes energy away from you after every conversation. Drain the life out of you until you are dry and tired as heck. 

Here are some personality traits an energy vampire can have: 

  • Cheater
  • Manipulative
  • Only care about themselves aka Narcissistic
  • Liar
  • Blaming things on you 
  • Constantly walking on eggshells around this person
  • Jealous 
  • Insecure that they put you down 
  • Fun hater

You are basically in the Sympathetic Nervous System mode (flight, fight, freeze and/or fawn) majority of the time with this person. It can be exhausting. 

Have you thought about your relationship to this person? 

The uncomfortable part is to take a step back and honestly think about your relationship to this individual. It can be uncomfortable because this person may have been there for you, in their own way, you may not believe they are draining energy from you, and it is a bit sad when you realize your relationship with this person may be one-sided.

Ask yourself this question, “Do I believe my relationship with this person is genuine?” 

Now, when I say genuine, I mean honest, natural, positive, there for one another, listening to each other. Really think about it because this person may not be a good influence on you. And if the person is draining you, how can you be there for yourself and the people who honestly care about you? 

Tough topic to talk about, however, I hope it was helpful for you. Let me know on Instagram if you had recently re-evaluate your relationship with someone and how did you take the first step into changing it. 

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Learning To Be Your Own Healer Can Guide You To Recognize Yourself Again

learning to be your own healer can guide you to recognize yourself again

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

In the beginning of my self nurturing journey, I sought out other people’s opinions on what I should do for myself. I thought they knew what was best for me. This is a habit I have formed because it is how I grew up; looking for other people’s approval. 

As I have gone through this journey, which is a lifetime, I have realized I know more about myself than I realize. I think we seek people’s approval to fit in and sometimes the ‘cool’ kids are not so cool after all.  When you have to seek someone else’s approval in life, you are not living for yourself, you are living for others who will not be satisfied. 

Over the years, I have learned what I needed for me. Trial and error. I am the type of person who likes to listen to other people’s opinions about whatever topic, but at the end of the day, it is my choice. Do you believe that? Do you believe you can choose whether to listen to someone or not? Do you believe you know what is best for you? 

If you believe you know what is best for you in your nurturing journey, then why haven’t you followed through? 

 

Now I am not attacking you whatsoever. I am pointing something out that maybe you have not thought about. When you are seeking outside yourself for answers, you are seeking other people’s experience in their life. Their life experience is not the same as yours. It is totally fine to listen to others and gain wisdom. I believe it is awesome to listen to others and their trial and error in their life. However, their story and your story are not the same which means there will be different outcomes in life. 

You have control over your choices in your life. Yes, there are unfair obstacles in the way, however, you can make decisions in your life. Remember when you were a kid and something happened that you could not stop? Well you are an adult now and you have more choices now then when you were a child. Recognize when someone is trying to get you to do what they want you to do and not what you want to do. 

Since you have control over what you want to internalize in your life, you also have control of your own self nurturing journey.

 

What I mean is, you have choices you can make now then when you could not in the past. So, let’s say you wanted to go to therapy but could not due to family saying you do not need therapy, well now you are an adult and you can do whatever you want. Go to therapy. Why not? If you believe it will benefit you in your self nurturing journey, then go for it. 

You have more control and power than you realize. You have ways of continuing your self nurturing journey and when you do, you will feel connected to yourself. Believe in yourself. Believe you can make changes in your life. I am rooting for you. 

Let me know on Instagram if you believe you have control over your choices through your self nurturing journey. Maybe your story can help others take the first mini step into beginning their journey. 

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Being Aware Of Your Weak Boundaries Can Turn Off The People You Know

Being aware of your weak boundaries can turn off the people you know

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

We have talked about internal boundaries and why grounding is important. When you are grounded, you become more aware of your surroundings and how you treat yourself internally. 

So, do you know if you have weak boundaries? 

Here are some signs of weak boundaries: 

  • Saying Yes, when you want to say No 
  • Feeling selfish for taking ‘me time’ 
  • Not speaking up when you are treated unfairly 
  • Pleasing others at your own expense 
  • Someone crossing physical boundaries without your consent 
  • Feeling burned out 
  • Body is exhausted 
  • Annoyed by the littlest thing

Why is having boundaries important? 

 

Good question! When you have unsteady boundaries, you may tend to lose yourself in the process. You begin to live for other people’s expectations of you and not YOU living the life you want for yourself. Being talked down, touching you without your permission, and pleasing others is not a satisfying life honestly. 

When you begin to re-evaluate your relationship with people, people can sense a shift. They may try to bring you back into their own way of control just to satisfy them and this is NOT normal. Common as heck, but not normal and healthy for you. The person could be a bit of an energy vampire (which I will talk about in more details in the next blog) The lowdown of an energy vampire is to take energy away from you. So they can take away how you feel, take away how you should respond to a situation, only want to talk about themselves and not be there for you when you need their help. Sucky person overall. 

It is important to connect with yourself because when you begin to understand the inner you (your soul self) , you begin to live the life you want. Things that may have bothered you before, may not bother you as much. If you have a physical sensation which has been irritating  you for a long time and you begin to focus on yourself, the physical sensation that has been a pain in the butt may get less or go away. 

So, look at your relationships with your friends, family, children, pets, spouse, even co-workers and ask yourself, “Am I speaking up for myself? Is this what I really want? Do I feel respected by this person?” If the answer is no, maybe it is time to re-evaluate your boundaries in your life. 

Having boundaries does not mean you are being difficult. It means you are done taking crap from other people and want to be respected. Nothing wrong with that right? 

Let me know on Instagram how you are going to create boundaries in your life. Sharing is awesome when people can relate to one another.

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Lacking in Internal Boundaries Department?

Lacking in Internal Boundaries Department?

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

The hot word ‘boundaries’ is about external boundaries, dealing with people. What is not talked about enough, which it should, is internal boundaries. Internal boundaries are about limits within you. 

What do I mean by limits within you? 

Well, people like to talk about boundaries with people in your life, like your friends, family, kids, pets, strangers. However, we, as individuals, also need limits with ourselves. Our limits could be working from home, social media overload, eating, screen time, whatever limits you have within yourself. 

Sometimes we go a bit overboard and feel tired of ourselves because we pushed our limits. Pushing our limits can shake up our grounding foundation. We can feel exhausted, annoyed as hell, resentful towards ourselves, just a bag of BS that we do not need in our life. 

Internal boundaries are in your control 

You can set your own limit. For instance, when you are going grocery shopping, what is your limit? It could be items you get from your list, how much time you want to spend in the store, limit money, self-check out, or not. Whatever your limit is. Usually, when I go to the grocery store, I look at my shopping list, mentally think where the items are, and go there, get the items, check out and leave. I do not like shopping at all, however, when I do, I come up with a plan. That is my own internal boundaries when it comes to shopping. 

Internal boundaries are also about self-nurturing 

Self-nurturing is a continuous process, so are internal boundaries. As life goes on and evolves, your boundaries may change as well. And you have permission to do so. Give yourself a little bit of credit here! 

Internal boundaries are important for you to protect your peace. To keep yourself in the present moment and to live the life you want. You totally have a choice as to how to respond to people and how to limit yourself with things in your life. 

Internal boundaries are important to protect your mind, body, and soul. 

Let me know on Instagram way(s) you are utilizing your internal boundaries. I would love to hear from you.

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Here’s What No One Tells You About Grounding

Here's What No One Tells You About Grounding

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

When it comes to grounding, we may think “be tall as a tree and be mellow and center 24/7” which is absolutely ridiculous. Grounding is about knowing your own ways of being in tune with yourself. When you are in tune with yourself, your boundaries with yourself and people will evolve. So, are you grounded? 

Find your grounding method that resonates with you 

Grounding means being in the present moment, whether that is a good or bad moment for you. Grounding does not have to be the typical visual stuff; that is one of the ways to be grounded. 

Being grounded can consist of your seven senses (yes there are seven senses) 

They are: 

  • Sight/Vision
  • Hearing/Auditory
  • Smell/Olfactory
  • Taste/Gustatory
  • Touch/Tactile
  • Vestibular /Movement
  • Proprioception/Body Position 

 

When you are looking into ways to ground yourself, you can use one or more of the seven senses. For instance, you can use hearing and movement, so you can listen to music and dance. It does not have to be only one sense. You can go with whatever you flow within the moment. 

Another example is to say you cannot dance since you are at work, maybe use visualization or smell (like your favorite essential oil) to help bring you back to the present. 

Finding out a variety of ways to ground you can help understand your boundaries 

When you are in the present moment, you will be able to understand your surroundings. Grounding can help you understand where you may need to adjust your boundaries with someone in your life and yourself.  

I had a friend who was having anxiety out of nowhere and when we talked about what was bothering her, she said she was upset about her relationship. When we talked deeper, it was because she was not grounded. She was taking in too much energy from her relationship with this person and not being present when encountering this person. She realized she was not grounded and did not have boundaries that resonated with her. 

As you can see from my friend, being in the present moment (while protecting yourself energetically) can help you understand your boundaries with anyone in your life. 

So what if I am not grounded

Well, ask yourself, are you okay not being grounded? Seriously think about it. Not being grounded means you can feel emotions that are probably not yours, to begin with, and may feel extremely exhausted by the end of the day. Maybe a bit agitated that you take it out on your partner, friend, kids, even your pet. Not being grounded can have people turn away from you and not want to deal with you period. Is this what you want? That is why it is important to be grounded. 

When you are grounded, you are in the present moment with your family, kids, pets, being outside in the breeze. It can bring you back to yourself. When you know your method of grounding, you will be able to have clarity on your boundaries with people.

Much love and high fives!

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