Kaneesha

compassionate moms raising well rounded children blog

Compassionate Moms Raising Well-Rounded Children

Compassionate Moms Raising Well-Rounded Children

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by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

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Parenting with compassion is not always taught in society. Some parents may believe they are doing what is best for their child by being strict and firm, sometimes, this is not the best method. I am not saying have your child run all over you. I am saying, there is a way to actually talk to your child without feeling that you have to raise your voice, punishing them to the extreme, even abuse. This is not how to raise a child, and it is not even about raising your child, it is about raising a human being into this world. 

Parents are the ones who set the foundation for their children. They are their first teachers, and they need to be compassionate and kind in order to raise good children.

Compassionate parenting starts before your child is even born. It’s important to make sure you have a mindset that will allow you to be compassionate when raising your child. There are also skills that can help you raise your children in an empathetic way, such as using empathy-building techniques, understanding their needs and emotions, and giving them space to feel safe and loved.

Basic yet important skills

Skills that parents will need to raise their child: 

  • Patience 
  • Empathy 
  • Compassion 
  • Grace 

These skills can help them to teach their children how to be patient with others, how to show empathy for other’s feelings and needs, and how to forgive themselves or others when something is not done right or could have been done better. Parents should also have a mindset of compassion so they can see things from different perspectives and learn from each other’s mistakes. These skills can help generations of people grow up into people who care about themselves and others around them. 

Think of a time when you were a child and you were misunderstood by your parents, yelled at, even punished because your parents were not patient, did not have compassion and grace with you. Are you repeating this pattern with your children? 

This is not a way to shame you as a parent, it is a way to realize there are things that were taught to you that were not beneficial to your upbringing and you can break those patterns. The first step is to acknowledge that it happened. Next step, is to make an effort to change it. 

Time to change the pattern 

So, now what do you do? Change the patterns that you felt did not benefit you in your upbringing. What are things you disagreed with in your upbringing? How would you want your parents to approach the situation differently? When reassessing our childhood, it is best to do this with a professional if possible. Even writing things down and processing them is helpful, however, having a professional navigate this is helpful when healing and nurturing wounds you did not realize you had. 

Once you’ve acknowledged the upbringings that you disagreed with, check to see if you are doing the same thing. Instead of being the child, you are the parent now. If possible, it is good to talk to your child (if verbal) about how they feel about their upbringing and listen with an open mind and heart. It can be difficult to hear the things your child says they disagree with, however, having an open discussion is something both parties need in order to understand one another. 

The questions do not have to be difficult. It could as simple as: 

  • How do you feel about your childhood? 
  • Do you think we have an open discussion? 
  • Do you feel comfortable coming to me about things that are bothering you? 
  • Do you feel safe with me? 
  • Is there something you want different between our relationship?

Have an open discussion like you would have wanted as a child. When we have open conversation with our children, we get insights into how they are truly doing and how we can change how we parent our children and ourselves. 

I hope this article is helpful for you to realize you are trying your damn best and that you want to change how you live your life with compassion and grace. Raising children with empathy and patience can make the world a better place as a collective. 

Connecting with Ancestors

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The Importance of Being an Awesome Mom in a World of Pressure bridging souls coaching

The Importance of Being an Awesome Mom in a World of Pressure

The Importance of Being an Awesome Mom in a World of Pressure

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

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Subscribe to the Bridging Souls For Moms Podcast!

Oh, the joys of motherhood. Motherhood is beautiful and sometimes a natural thing for moms, however, it can be a time of guilt, self-judgment, and feelings of inadequacy. You may have told yourself, “It is the most difficult job in the world and I feel like I am not doing anything right!” 

On top of the self-guilt trip, we are constantly being told to do this or not do that whether it is from our own thoughts or from the outside world, which can be harsh and super unrealistic. It can be difficult to keep up with the pressure of raising a child to be good people as a collective. It is important to understand motherhood is about ebb and flow. There are times when it may seem like a difficult day and other days, it is smooth sailing. The best thing you can do for yourself when you are having a self-judgment, guilt-tripping day is to remember to take care of yourself. 

Only you know what it means to take care of yourself

You don’t have to do meditation and yoga and go on cold walks (unless these are the things that keep you centered). 

It can be small such as: 

  • Washing the dishes
  • Cooking a meal
  • Writing in a journal
  • Dancing to your favorite music
  • Crying to sad music when you need a good cry
  • Screaming in your pillow
  • Throwing ice at your house to let go of some anger
  • Painting your nails 

Whatever it may be, it is yours to use for yourself. 

When you take care of yourself well, you are in the present moment to be with your children. Think back to your childhood, did you feel your parents were present with you at the moment? Did you feel they took care of themselves and were able to be there for you? We usually learn these patterns from generation to generation of moms who do not take care of themselves. Moms are often judged by people (family, friends, strangers!) for not taking care of themselves. We are told that we need to be putting ourselves first, but then we are also told that we need to be taking care of our family first. Seriously, which one is it?! We live in a society where it’s hard to find harmony in both motherhood and ourselves.

We shouldn’t feel guilty for needing a break! 

We should not feel guilty or bad for taking care of ourselves. It is necessary to put our needs first before we can take care of others. When we don’t take care of ourselves, mom, it can trickle down to our children and our children see that putting us first is something we shouldn’t do and feel bad about it. That is not true for you and your child. 

The mom guilt trip is not beneficial for you and your children. If you feel you need to adjust how you parent your child, go to the main resource. Your child. If they can communicate with you, ask them how they think about their upbringing. What they like and want to adjust for the both of you to be in harmony together. The goal is for your children to have a good future, and it is also for your children to have a good past to remember you were there for them and give them the tools they need to survive, thrive, and be kind in this world. 

Look back at what you have accomplished so far as a mama

Remember, It is normal to be a little bit sad when you are feeling like you are not doing enough for your child, especially when they seem to need something from you that you cannot give them at the moment. 

We are not perfect, but we will always love our children. We just need to remember that they are adjusting and growing just as well as we are. When you begin to adjust and grow as a mom, those generational patterns that did not help you before will alter into something positive for you to pass down to your child and that is an amazing accomplishment. 

Take it one second at a time and give yourself grace. (Also, who cares what other people think about how you are raising your children. It is about your bond with your children, not with other people, my friend) 

Question for you, if your parents came to you when you were a child and asked you what things you liked about your upbringing and things you want to adjust, what would that be? Are you doing that for yourself and your children? Something to think about. 

If you want to let me know, you can directly message me on Instagram looking forward to connecting with you. 

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signs you are ready for generational clearing by bridging souls coaching

Are You Ready For Generational Clearing? Learn The Signs To Find Out

Are You Ready For Generational Clearing? Learn The Signs To Find Out

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Coming Soon!

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

In this article, we will talk about the signs that you are ready for generational clearing. This process of healing comes from the trauma of one’s childhood wound. It is a deep and powerful process that can help you to release old patterns, beliefs and emotions that were created by your family upbringing.

Generational trauma is a concept in which individuals inherit emotional distress from their parents, grandparents, as far back as 14 generations, as a result of traumatic experiences during their childhood or adolescence. These traumas can be passed on through generations because they are not healed and unacknowledged. It was instead repressed and kept inside the individual’s body through DNA to be passed down.

The purpose of generational clearing is to heal these hurtful wounds so they do not get passed onto the next generation. It enables people to heal their childhood wounds and undo generational patterns to not continue on. 

It is extremely important to note that generational clearing does not work for everyone, and there are many factors that will determine if someone is ready for this process. When you begin the process of generational healing, it is highly recommended to have a therapist and/or energy work to help you process the trauma. It is best to NOT do this alone starting off.  

 

Here are a few signs you’re ready to begin generational healing: 

  • Understanding it is time to change how you parent your children 
  • Finding compassion towards your parents and how they tried their best (even though you didn’t agree with how they raised you) 
  • You want to recreate a narrative in your family line so that you can change how you interact (think, believe, feel) in your life to be carried through your children and beyond. 
  • High sense of wanting to change how you take care of yourself
  • Tired of feeling like this is the only way it is going to be for the rest of your life, knowing you can change the ‘it runs in the family’ excuse 

Generational trauma is not something you have to carry with you for the rest of your life, it is a powerful process that helps people connect with their ancestors and heal from their pain. It is possible to heal from it (with professional people). There are a variety of methods for you to heal your ancestors, it is about choosing which one fits best for you.

 

Methods for ancestral healing: 

  • Inner child work
  • Energy work
  • Shadow work
  • Family constellation 
  • Bodywork (Craniosacral, Myofascial Release, Massage) 

Ancestral trauma doesn’t have to be your resting place

It is a place of acknowledging and showing compassion to your family who has been through trauma and is now ready to be seen and heard. It is time for you to recognize your wounds and your family’s hurt in order to heal the past so that you and your children can change the family patterns for future generations.  

You can heal the past in order to change your future. I believe in you. 

Much love to you. 

 



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unblocking generational patterns results in becoming spiritual aligned

Unblocking Generational Patterns Results In Becoming Spiritual Aligned

Unblocking Generational Patterns Results In Becoming Spiritual Aligned

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

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Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

One of the most engaging arguments for generational healing is it helps to end the cycle of sorrow, where generations passed down trauma and pain, they cannot heal themselves. Usually, when this happens, it is because the generation doesn’t know there was trauma and how they are responding in a way that can negatively impact the next generation. 

What Is Generational Healing Then?

Generational healing patterns can be described as repeating patterns that occur across four or more generations in a family. These repeating patterns usually involve one or more traumatic or abusive events experienced by an individual in their childhood years.

Although the person who experienced the trauma may not remember it consciously and they will not remember the details, they will likely display certain behaviors associated with prior traumatic events. These behaviors are triggered when certain things happen to them such as when they experience a specific smell, see something in a certain way, or hear a person say something (smell, hear, taste, sight, touch). The triggers can bring back body memories of pain they felt during the trauma and may not know why they reacted a certain way. 

There is hope!

 

When generational patterns begin to heal, it disrupts the negative patterns of thoughts and responses that dissolve them with the help of thinking differently, which will begin a decisive path in their life. 

So, how can you begin the healing process? 

You have to ask yourself this question: Am I ready to break generational patterns to heal the family line for future and past generations? 

This is not a way to scare you, it is a way of telling the truth. Generational healing is an amazing feeling when you recognize things that don’t benefit you and your future family’s generations anymore. However, it is messy and exhausting! This is not a one-time fix, it is a continuous process. A process where you understand your patterning and how it may be transferred to your children. It is a process of understanding your responsibility of changing your own behavior so you can begin living the life you want in a positive way. It is about grieving what has happened to your ancestors and holding space to grieve with and for them.

Ok, so what if I am ready?

 

In order to begin the process, you have to be committed to yourself, past and future generations, to stop patterns that haven’t been helpful and begin the healing process. Your ancestors will thank you for it! It is important to explore your childhood until now, and how your childhood wounds have been passed on to your children. When you dive into this, you begin to make sense of what has happened in your life up until now and begin to live in the present moment. 

As you heal these wounds, you will be healing the wounds of past, present, and future generations that can enhance peace and unity as a collective on Earth. 

Are you ready to begin the healing process with your ancestors? Let me know on the latest post on Instagram you’re ready to walk into the forest with your ancestors. 

Much love and high fives!

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parenting series part four

the skill of mindfulness for moms: knowing there need to be adjustments in their parenting series part four

the skill of mindfulness for moms:
knowing there need to be adjustments in their parenting series part four

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Coming Soon!

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

In this parenting series of the challenge, we talk about increasing your confidence in your life choices, self-talk with yourself and your children, and bringing awareness to your current situation where you can stop generational patterns so that you can begin living the life you envision for your children and of course yourself.  

A reminder to go back to week 1 and 2 and 3 challenges so you know how to incorporate what we will talk about for the final week’s topic. 

So I kinda left you hanging on the last challenge and I felt like I had to do that because you needed to get some prep in your step when it came to accomplishing things in your life. So you believe in your capabilities, no matter how big or small they are in the past month.

So why not continue down this path?  

There is a weird invisible high standards competitive streak of who did what better in life by comparing what kind of job we have, while judging others for the ‘lower’ end kinda jobs. Competition in how we look and feel and personal life experiences and that is just not cool. It is honestly ridiculous to feel like life is a competition. It isn’t. 

There were times where you had to give yourself permission to feel what you feel, then had to think about for the past month how you are thinking about yourself and your children. It does start to turn some wheels that have not been turned in a very long time.

Let me ask you this, since last week when you noticed your own capabilities, how did you feel? 

Did you feel silly? Or like geez I do a ton of work. Maybe you’ve given yourself a high five, pat on the back. Maybe reflecting on what the hell you have been doing the past month. However you feel, you are totally entitled to feel it.  

So why is this crucial?

It is key to notice your abilities because we as mothers, do not give ourselves enough credit for what we do.

We compare ourselves by: 

  • Other moms
  • Women who probably do not have children
  • Our moms, aunts, grandmothers, and friends
  • Unrealistic tv shows and movies
  • Social media (I truly dislike this!) 

The comparison game needs to end. You are doing your best right, being here for this challenge means you want to create changes, correct? 

This is the beginning of the journey for yourself and how you can change the narrative of your life.

Your self-nurturing journey is not a destination, it is a lifetime journey and you can fill that journey with whatever you want. Whatever food, thoughts, items, people, boundaries, beliefs. You are able and capable to do it. I mean you finally realize after last week’s challenge that you have accomplished a bit more than you thought right, why not continue that momentum? 

So for this week’s challenge, write down or record somewhere you feel safe to do so about how you want to change your current situation in your life.

It can be about anything: 

  • Becoming a millionaire
  • Learning how to talk to your teenagers and toddlers
  • Learning how to cook or bake. 
  • Learning the latest trendy dance 

Does not matter. Whatever you come up with, it is yours to keep. This is for you to be mindful of what you want in this lifetime. Tough to imagine a massive vision of your life but it is also fun because there are no limits for you. The limits are your beliefs. 

I hope this week’s challenge will be fun for you. 

Give yourself permission to envision what you want in your life and how you want to live for the rest of your life. Focus on the things YOU want. Not what other people want for or from you.  

So what do you want your life to be like? Leave a comment on the latest Instagram post and let me know how you felt when writing or recording this challenge. 

I truly hope this challenge has turned on some awesome wheels for you as a mother. I just want to say, you are doing great mama. You may not think so but you being here and wanting to change how you parent yourself and your children, is the best start into your nurturing journey as a mother and as a gal. 

Much love and high fives. 

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parenting series part four
skill of mindfulness parenting series part three

the skill of mindfulness for moms: knowing there need to be adjustments in their parenting series part three

the skill of mindfulness for moms:
knowing there need to be adjustments in their parenting series part three

by Kaneesha

This article takes 3 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Coming Soon!

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

In this parenting series, we talk about increasing your confidence in your life choices, self talk with yourself and your children, and bringing awareness to your current situation where you can stop generational trauma so that you can begin living the life you envision for your children and of course yourself

If you have not read Part One and Two, I suggest starting there to get a better idea of this week’s topic. Last week, I gave you a hint about this week’s topic. And the topic is mindfulness. So mindfulness is about living in the present moment, living in the now. 

Mindfulness is a broad topic. It can be about anything really. 

Mindfulness can be: 

  • Eating
  • Working
  • Walking
  • Looking
  • Being present in your body

Really anything. What I am going to focus on is mindfulness in your thoughts. Thoughts can be powerful and dangerous at the same time. 

So why does mindfulness of your thoughts matter?

The definition of Thoughts is about an idea, opinion, and belief about whatever topic. This week, it will be about thoughts about yourself. 

Well, how do you talk about yourself? When you ask yourself how you feel about yourself, it can rub off on your kids a bit. 

Ask yourself this question and be honest with yourself, how do you talk to and about yourself?  Serious question.

  • Are you cheering for yourself to be the best you can be? 
  • Are you giving yourself a high five? (I do it here and there to pump myself up) 
  • How are you truly with your thoughts about yourself? 
  • Do you say I could have done better? 

I think we can do better but it is good to look at what we did do and to appreciate what we did without adding the ‘however’ or ‘but’ to it. 

Give it a try!

Let’s say your kid has to be at a sports practice and you are ten minutes late. Yes, you are ten minutes late. You are there to stay to watch your kid play whatever sport. You being there means something to your children. So as a mother, try to look at what you DID do in order to accomplish whatever. There is no such thing as a perfect life, that is boring, to be honest. 

My challenge for you is to write or use a recorder to reflect on the past month. What are things you are proud of that you have accomplished? Without the ‘buts’ and ‘howevers’. Those do not matter. It is about focusing on what you did. 

It isn’t as hard as you think.

It can be having a conversation with your five-year-old about the solar system. It could be getting to sleep before 11 pm without being on your phone. Maybe balancing your finances. Putting away the dishes before the next day. Not eating out for the whole day. It can be anything that you feel is an accomplishment. Does not matter how small or big it is, an accomplishment is an accomplishment

I hope this week’s challenge has turned on an awesome light bulb for you because next week we are going to dig a little bit deeper into what you want. Yes, what do you envision your life to be like?  No hint this time. I will let you focus on your success today. I will see you in next week’s challenge, part 4. 

If you want to let me know your process during this challenge, send me a DM through Instagram or comment on the latest post. 

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The Skill Of Mindfulness For Moms: Knowing There Need To Be Adjustments In Their Parenting series part two

The Skill Of Mindfulness For Moms:
Knowing There Need To Be Adjustments In Their Parenting Series Part Two

by Kaneesha

This article takes 5 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

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Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

This is a series called “Skill of Mindfulness” for Moms who want to learn about being mindful, so that you can become aware of your current reality and what you want to adjust. If you have not read Part One, I suggest reading it here before reading this week’s challenge. 

So I gave you a hint last week about giving yourself permission. And to what you may ask? Well, part two of the challenge is to give yourself permission to grieve. Yes, grieve. 

The definition of grieve is to feel sad, sorrowful, wounded, hurt, upset. 

When you grieve for the childhood you wanted to have, the what-ifs, it can sting a bit. People may think you should be grateful to your parents for everything they did for you and do the comparison game such as ‘well your childhood was not that bad because this happen to me’ the ‘worse’ childhood is not a competition and suppressing someone’s personal experience is not so cool because you wouldn’t want someone to do it to you as well right. 

So why is learning about grief so important? 

When you hold these kinds of feelings: 

  • Grief
  • Anger
  • Sadness
  • Resentment
  • Confusion

It can be expressed through the body such as shoulder pain, backaches, cancer, autoimmune disorder. It can manifest into anything. When you shut down your mind, which can be dissociation, which is a way of protection, or even not admitting to something happening in your life, you are suppressing your body and your body is fighting back with you saying ‘enough.’ 

Grieving and expressing how you feel about your childhood and how you wanted it to be, can relieve your hurt. It may seem silly to do the what-ifs at first, but it can bring some comfort into how you can turn your what-ifs into now with your children. I am not saying live through your children because they have their own thoughts and personalities. I am saying, the things you may have wanted in your childhood, you could do that for yourself and bring your children along for the ride. 

Now It Is Time To Begin Processing

With this week’s challenge, I want you to write, or use a recorder to validate your feelings, experience those challenging emotions that you may have suppressed and have not fully let out of your body system, and give yourself space to change how you respond to situations in the future. 

Examples: 

  • Right now it is really tough for me to feel upset because I do not want to feel this emotion. 
  • I feel that if I do, I will be failing my family and my children and I do not want to do that. 
  • I know this feeling is temporary and I am willing to acknowledge and face feeling upset over being hurt by what my mother said to me today. 
  • I will give myself the time and space for me to feel upset by what she said. I can do a play-by-play of what I wish to say to her out loud so that I can get it out of my system. 
  • I know that will make me feel much better. I give myself permission to show compassion and kindness to myself because I deserve to feel what I feel and how I am going to feel it. 

Doing this self-compassion dialogue can help you get your suppressed feelings out 

You can do this activity in your car, on a walk, in the bathroom looking in the mirror. Whatever place you feel safe to do this activity. Not only will it help your body system, but it will also help release those emotions you have been holding down for others. 

It is now your turn to make a change in your life. Give it a try. Maybe when you begin to express how you really feel alone, you can better understand yourself and your children in a better light. 

After you finish this activity, leave a comment on the latest Instagram post about how you felt when you were in the process of expressing how you felt towards something that triggered you. Leaving a comment can let other people know they are not alone in this world when it comes to making adjustments in their life. 

Grief is a heavy topic and deserves some self-compassion so I’ve created a script for you. (Link) 

Take time for yourself to process today’s challenge and to recharge yourself. For next week’s challenge, we will dig a little bit deeper into learning more about you. So I will give you a hint, it is about mindfulness. Think about what mindfulness means to you and I will see you in next week’s challenge, part 3. 



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the skill of mindfulness for moms: knowing there need to be adjustments in their parenting reality series part one

The Skill Of Mindfulness For Moms:
Knowing There Need To Be Adjustments In Their Parenting Reality Series - Part One

by Kaneesha

This article takes 5 minutes to read

Don’t have time to read this? Listen to the podcast episode instead:

Coming Soon!

Subscribe to the Bridging Souls Coaching Podcast and never miss a bonus episode!

Mindfulness is about being in the present moment. So are you in the present moment? 

For the next four weeks, you will learn about being mindful, so that you can become aware of your current reality and what you want to adjust. Being mindful can include yourself, your thoughts, how you interact with people, especially your children, and learn how to become the hero of your own story again, rebuilding your confidence.

The end goal of this challenge is to bring awareness in your life of what you have been doing such an awesome job in, parenting. Moms, we do not give ourselves enough credit and I hope this challenge can open your awareness into knowing you are doing amazing. So let’s get started. 

Part One: Bringing awareness of your surroundings

 We do not know there is a problem until we take a step back and evaluate our life. Taking a step back is taking a pause on what is going on in your life. We live in a fast pace society that we forget to pause what we are doing, how we interact with ourselves and people. Taking a step back can bring insight into what does and does not work for us and our children anymore. Today’s topic will be about awareness of how you are interacting with your children. 

Parents can read many books about ‘how to parent their children. Some may not read a book at all and wing it. While others want to break the cycle but have difficulty knowing how to. When we watch tv shows and movies about how a parent is to their children, such as the favorite child, the athletic, academics, perfect child, we may feel a certain way about how the parent is treating their children. Do you ask yourself the same thing? How are you treating your children? 

So, what the heck is this ‘awareness’?

Well, it means knowledge or perception of a situation or fact, being conscious, recognizing a situation. This is important because when you take a step back and reassess a situation, you begin to understand yourself better. If you have watched the “Hey Arnold” TV show, you saw how Helga’s mother, Miriam, drinks a lot. Now as a kid, we did not understand it, we thought she was probably thirsty a lot and it was grape juice or something. 

As an adult, we realize when we are watching the show again, that Helga’s mom, Miriam, was an alcoholic, who was suppressing the things that were going on in her life. As a kid, we sometimes do not understand the adults in our lives until we become an adult ourselves and take a step back and become aware and recognize the situation. This is important for you to become aware of your surroundings so that you can begin to reassess what is not working out for you and your kids anymore. 

Check-list time! (I personally love a good check-list)

I listed a few questions for you to check to see where you are in the last month. If you want the questions, you can click here to get the download. 

Look at the checklist and see which ones you have checked off. This is not a way to judge you by any means, this is a way of bringing awareness to your current situation. Being aware of a situation can bring open-mindedness to yourself and how you are changing the patterns in your family cycle. 

Let me know on Instagram’s latest post which ones you have checked off and if the checklist has brought you a sense of awareness in your life currently. This can help moms understand one another in their journey. 

So this week we talked about awareness and how being aware of your current situation can bring forth comfort to you and your children in the long run.

Next week’s topic will be a little activity for you, moms, to give yourself permission to do something. Check back next week to find out. 

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