The Importance of Being an Awesome Mom in a World of Pressure

by Kaneesha

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Oh, the joys of motherhood. Motherhood is beautiful and sometimes a natural thing for moms, however, it can be a time of guilt, self-judgment, and feelings of inadequacy. You may have told yourself, “It is the most difficult job in the world and I feel like I am not doing anything right!” 

On top of the self-guilt trip, we are constantly being told to do this or not do that whether it is from our own thoughts or from the outside world, which can be harsh and super unrealistic. It can be difficult to keep up with the pressure of raising a child to be good people as a collective. It is important to understand motherhood is about ebb and flow. There are times when it may seem like a difficult day and other days, it is smooth sailing. The best thing you can do for yourself when you are having a self-judgment, guilt-tripping day is to remember to take care of yourself. 

Only you know what it means to take care of yourself

You don’t have to do meditation and yoga and go on cold walks (unless these are the things that keep you centered). 

It can be small such as: 

  • Washing the dishes
  • Cooking a meal
  • Writing in a journal
  • Dancing to your favorite music
  • Crying to sad music when you need a good cry
  • Screaming in your pillow
  • Throwing ice at your house to let go of some anger
  • Painting your nails 

Whatever it may be, it is yours to use for yourself. 

When you take care of yourself well, you are in the present moment to be with your children. Think back to your childhood, did you feel your parents were present with you at the moment? Did you feel they took care of themselves and were able to be there for you? We usually learn these patterns from generation to generation of moms who do not take care of themselves. Moms are often judged by people (family, friends, strangers!) for not taking care of themselves. We are told that we need to be putting ourselves first, but then we are also told that we need to be taking care of our family first. Seriously, which one is it?! We live in a society where it’s hard to find harmony in both motherhood and ourselves.

We shouldn’t feel guilty for needing a break! 

We should not feel guilty or bad for taking care of ourselves. It is necessary to put our needs first before we can take care of others. When we don’t take care of ourselves, mom, it can trickle down to our children and our children see that putting us first is something we shouldn’t do and feel bad about it. That is not true for you and your child. 

The mom guilt trip is not beneficial for you and your children. If you feel you need to adjust how you parent your child, go to the main resource. Your child. If they can communicate with you, ask them how they think about their upbringing. What they like and want to adjust for the both of you to be in harmony together. The goal is for your children to have a good future, and it is also for your children to have a good past to remember you were there for them and give them the tools they need to survive, thrive, and be kind in this world. 

Look back at what you have accomplished so far as a mama

Remember, It is normal to be a little bit sad when you are feeling like you are not doing enough for your child, especially when they seem to need something from you that you cannot give them at the moment. 

We are not perfect, but we will always love our children. We just need to remember that they are adjusting and growing just as well as we are. When you begin to adjust and grow as a mom, those generational patterns that did not help you before will alter into something positive for you to pass down to your child and that is an amazing accomplishment. 

Take it one second at a time and give yourself grace. (Also, who cares what other people think about how you are raising your children. It is about your bond with your children, not with other people, my friend) 

Question for you, if your parents came to you when you were a child and asked you what things you liked about your upbringing and things you want to adjust, what would that be? Are you doing that for yourself and your children? Something to think about. 

If you want to let me know, you can directly message me on Instagram looking forward to connecting with you. 

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