The Skill Of Mindfulness For Moms:
Knowing There Need To Be Adjustments In Their Parenting Series Part Two

by Kaneesha

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This is a series called “Skill of Mindfulness” for Moms who want to learn about being mindful, so that you can become aware of your current reality and what you want to adjust. If you have not read Part One, I suggest reading it here before reading this week’s challenge. 

So I gave you a hint last week about giving yourself permission. And to what you may ask? Well, part two of the challenge is to give yourself permission to grieve. Yes, grieve. 

The definition of grieve is to feel sad, sorrowful, wounded, hurt, upset. 

When you grieve for the childhood you wanted to have, the what-ifs, it can sting a bit. People may think you should be grateful to your parents for everything they did for you and do the comparison game such as ‘well your childhood was not that bad because this happen to me’ the ‘worse’ childhood is not a competition and suppressing someone’s personal experience is not so cool because you wouldn’t want someone to do it to you as well right. 

So why is learning about grief so important? 

When you hold these kinds of feelings: 

  • Grief
  • Anger
  • Sadness
  • Resentment
  • Confusion

It can be expressed through the body such as shoulder pain, backaches, cancer, autoimmune disorder. It can manifest into anything. When you shut down your mind, which can be dissociation, which is a way of protection, or even not admitting to something happening in your life, you are suppressing your body and your body is fighting back with you saying ‘enough.’ 

Grieving and expressing how you feel about your childhood and how you wanted it to be, can relieve your hurt. It may seem silly to do the what-ifs at first, but it can bring some comfort into how you can turn your what-ifs into now with your children. I am not saying live through your children because they have their own thoughts and personalities. I am saying, the things you may have wanted in your childhood, you could do that for yourself and bring your children along for the ride. 

Now It Is Time To Begin Processing

With this week’s challenge, I want you to write, or use a recorder to validate your feelings, experience those challenging emotions that you may have suppressed and have not fully let out of your body system, and give yourself space to change how you respond to situations in the future. 

Examples: 

  • Right now it is really tough for me to feel upset because I do not want to feel this emotion. 
  • I feel that if I do, I will be failing my family and my children and I do not want to do that. 
  • I know this feeling is temporary and I am willing to acknowledge and face feeling upset over being hurt by what my mother said to me today. 
  • I will give myself the time and space for me to feel upset by what she said. I can do a play-by-play of what I wish to say to her out loud so that I can get it out of my system. 
  • I know that will make me feel much better. I give myself permission to show compassion and kindness to myself because I deserve to feel what I feel and how I am going to feel it. 

Doing this self-compassion dialogue can help you get your suppressed feelings out 

You can do this activity in your car, on a walk, in the bathroom looking in the mirror. Whatever place you feel safe to do this activity. Not only will it help your body system, but it will also help release those emotions you have been holding down for others. 

It is now your turn to make a change in your life. Give it a try. Maybe when you begin to express how you really feel alone, you can better understand yourself and your children in a better light. 

After you finish this activity, leave a comment on the latest Instagram post about how you felt when you were in the process of expressing how you felt towards something that triggered you. Leaving a comment can let other people know they are not alone in this world when it comes to making adjustments in their life. 

Grief is a heavy topic and deserves some self-compassion so I’ve created a script for you. (Link) 

Take time for yourself to process today’s challenge and to recharge yourself. For next week’s challenge, we will dig a little bit deeper into learning more about you. So I will give you a hint, it is about mindfulness. Think about what mindfulness means to you and I will see you in next week’s challenge, part 3. 



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