4 signs your unhealed wounds can be traveled down to your kid (and why put yourself first)

by Kaneesha

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As parents, we swore to ourselves we will not do what our parents did to us and that is a heavy load to carry. There are days where we follow through with our promise and feel good about ourselves and other times, not so much. There is a wound that has not been looked at, acknowledged. It can be painful to acknowledge past wounds, however, it is beneficial for you and your kid to know, it takes courage to face those wounds. 

So when do you know your past wounds are showing up? Here are 4 signs showing up for you and could possibly be seen in your child. 

Boundaries are not strong

Boundaries are your own self-care of knowing your limit of tolerance. When our boundaries are being tested or no boundaries at all, we may feel tired and hurt by the person who is taking advantage of us. It gets to the point we take it out on the wrong person, such as our family. Boundaries also include saying “No” without the guilt feeling. 

Having boundaries does not mean you are being difficult, it means you have your own limits in what you will and will not tolerate. 

Lack of communication 

It can be difficult to speak up for yourself when you feel bullied or maybe even respect someone, but they do not know what is on your mind. Instead of speaking up, you continue to take and take to the point you get fed up or you keep it in and your body begins to have aches and pain. 

Speaking up can clear your throat chakra and can help release thoughts you have been wanting to say. 

Feeling responsible for other people 

There is a fine line between helping someone and being responsible for someone. Being focused on someone’s feelings and not yours is putting the other person’s needs primary before your own. 

People are responsible for their own actions and responses, you are not. Take responsibility for yourself first, you deserve it. 

Not forming your own opinion and thoughts 

It is totally fine to ask people for their opinion about various topics: how you dress, what kind of kitchen supply to buy, what is the best pet for kids. However, it is another level when you take what someone says to the fullest. When you take someone’s opinion head-on, you are not coming up with your decision, your own thoughts. Being too dependent on someone’s thoughts means you are not living the life you want, you are living someone’s life experience and who wants that? 

So when you ask for someone’s opinion about a matter, observe and listen, but come up with your own decision at the end of the day that aligns with you. 

Now, what do you do?

Wounds are painful and we do not like to look at them, however, the more we do not look at the wound, the more it is not being taken care of. These 4 signs are important to learn because you can acknowledge the signs and know how to respond to each one. All four of these signs tie together. When you have good communication skills, you will be able to express your own boundaries, forming your own thoughts, and not feel responsible for people’s responses. These signs boil down to being self-confident in your identity not only as a mother but as a person. Explore your own unhealed pain with someone you trust, maybe a therapist, coach, even an energy worker, and start dressing the wounds.

I know you can do it. When you begin to address your wounds, your child will be grateful you’re setting an example of addressing your wounds.

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